I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
