hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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