I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
