apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
