Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
