girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
