sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
