I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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