everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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