Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
