I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
