We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
