I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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