I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
