It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
