I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
