I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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