Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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