I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
