I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
