If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
