I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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