I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
