She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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