what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
