In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
