Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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