apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
