Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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