I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
