I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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