It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
