I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I love you. Go after that dick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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