apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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