Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
