remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
