You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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