after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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