I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
