I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
