$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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