Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
