I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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