its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
