That reminds me...we need to get swords
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
