i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
