he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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