Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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