I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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