he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
