Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
