i jhust puked up my retainher.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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